I had a busy week, hurrying here and there to do this and that…at the end of the week, I wonder if anyone noticed I was even there. LOL.
Sitting and relaxing tonight, I think back to the times I was troubled or tempted this week. I am honest, I tell people that I am crazy for women. Twenty-one to ought to know better, I like women. Met a woman standing in line at the pizza place. Dressed nice, not provocative or anything. I was in my normal relaxed outfit, shirt and bluejeans. Not like I was trying to impress anyone with anything.
Within five minutes of waiting on a pizza, I almost got in trouble…I thought I was minding my own business, but the old man was thinking differently. My pizza came first, and I paid…said a hasty goodbye and all but ran from the place to my car. My radar was going off, big time…and I needed to put distance between me and her. My beast was almost on the prowl again.
That is the way it works for me, it is never the ones I look for or expect…it is like it just pops up out of no where and “Boom” I get slapped in the face with my weakness and vulnerability. Fortunately, I have given that part of my life over to God and He has given me enough grace and good instincts to keep me out of trouble. I was in for trouble, and He warned me through the spirit…gave me wisdom and self-control to pull out of the situation. Oh, it was not a graceful exit, far from it…I was embarrassed and I know it showed. I would rather be embarrassed than caught and exposed again.
I thought about it on the drive to the house and after supper that night. Wrong time, wrong man, wrong woman and too darned close to doing wrong. Again. I thank God again for saving me. It proved again that on my own, I was powerless over lust and my addiction. Driving home, I passed the oriental grocery that sells porn. It was like passing a raging bonfire. I knew it was there and I knew that on another day at another time, I could just walk right up and be hip deep in my old lusts and sins. But, I didn’t.
Fortunately, I don’t have to resist them by myself any more. I knew I was powerless, but I also knew that there is someone more powerful (than my addiction) in my life. A Power that could and did restore me to sanity. That power for me is and has been my God and Savior. I don’t have to do what I used to have to do.
I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power, my God and Savior and He helps me up when I am weak and after I get myself in trouble, intercedes before I fall. I can take His hand and turn around at anytime and avoid, evade and retreat from the sins I was about to commit.
I called my sponsor and we talked for a while, he gave me some step work for reinforcement and we prayed together. It is so good, not to be alone anymore…no longer lost in the Hell and condemnation I was stuck in. Do you know how it feels, have you been there? It is like being at the bottom of a well, with no way out. The frustration, is sickening…isn’t it. You want to climb out, but the walls are slick and you slip back in.
I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. I can see temptation and turn away, God blessed me with that strength on ordinary and normal days and nights. I don’t have to fall into lust and neither do you. Just recognize that you need help to get out of the well, the pit and the hell-hole you might be in and seek the One that has the strength that you don’t.
We are here to help you, don’t just read the blog…help yourself and join in the discussion. Watch what happens when you finally decide to trust someone other than yourself and start climbing out of sin. It is not easy at times, but it is easier than you think.
God bless you,
Shaggy, clean and sober…by the grace of God, one more day.
Good night.
